May 30, 2010

Wedding Confrontations

Weddings, weddings weddings. You may as well say "misery! misery! misery!" Katie and I took off to Wyoming this weekend to go to a close friends weddings. We both needed the break from life as usual, specifically Lewistown. An escape from all that life has been in the last seven weeks. I wanted to "run away. run away. just get on a fucking train and leave today." I needed to leave family, Jeremy and my numerous other woes at the Montana state line and just...heal. And I do think this weekend set the healing into motion. I was confronted with all that I can't figure out in my head and my soul. 

As I watched the groom lead his parents up the aisle I was completely ambushed with the thought that if this were Jeremy's and  my wedding everything would be the polar opposite. He would not be escorting his parents up the aisle. Jason would not be his best man. In fact I suspect the entire right side of the aisle would be empty. They say you don't just marry a man, you marry his friends, family and heritage. I was shocked at the injustice of him losing all of that because of a simple thing called love. It's...cruel...

As the ceremony progressed I noticed all the parts of a wedding I have always taken for granted. The opening prayer reminded me that God would have no place in our ceremony. A covenant established by God Himself, and He would not be welcome. The location made me thankful I want an outdoor wedding so we would not have to quibble over what church would allow a "heathen" wedding ceremony. As the ceremony went on it became more and more of a blur of all the things that would go so very very wrong. I grieved that the most important day of my life as the pastor mentioned, aside from the day I accepted Christ, would have to be plotted out minute by minute to equalize all the religious aspects. And then the words that came next shattered my mind and heart, for the fight I still desired to maintain.

"till death are we separated" 

A twist on the more traditional "till death do we part", it still brought home the point that no matter who is "right" in this, we would still be eternally separated by death. 
Love on this earth is beautiful, powerful, sustaining to life and most importantly it was created to be eternal. To outlast our strivings and our pain. The only thing we carry with us from this earth to our eternal existence. 
I know we have no tears in heaven. I have to wonder if that soul tie we have held onto all our lives would have us standing at Abraham's bosom trying to reach across the dimensions to feel just one last electrifying touch for the rest of eternity? We are eternal beings and our love that we share so joyously on earth is eternal also. Eternal but never enough. 

The power of love alone can not bridge the gap between two souls with a different outlook, of eternal significance. Just as it could not bridge the gap between our souls on this earth that rainy spring day. In this case love does not conquer all. 

Love conquers our fears and our tribulations. We can live on and we will live on. And one day, love on. But to conquer doesn't mean to change in the way we expect. Life's battles are a mystery, and this Sherlock in training is going to solve it. 

One wedding at a time. 

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