January 22, 2010

Liberty Perseverance and Promise

Written Jan-7-2010

"You have no right, heritage or memorial"

I was thinking of this verse today as Katie and I toured around her ranch. She had a name for every field, dam and rock (well. almost) And she had a few stories for each of those too. All of this made me ache for an upbringing such as she was gifted with. I sat and wondered if she knew how very blessed she is in that. I don't have a piece of land I can lay claim to. I can't take my friends out to "the ranch" and name off every field. My heart aches a new ache at this realization. I want so very much to stake a claim and start making memories. To develop a right. To pick up some stones and make a memorial to my hard work.
Perhaps my writing is my memorial. And the air I breathe is my right.

But paper can burn and air is only good for the first breathe and then it is just a chemical of no use. 

What of my heritage?

Outside of Katie's ranch there is a sign that says "Butcher Ranch, Established 1929". That is a heritage, or at least the beginnings of it. Tonight we watched Good Will Hunting. I pondered Will's heritage for most of the movie. An extremely abusive foster father was all he had to look back on. But he had the chance to be better.  I thought of my dad and his fathers and his fathers father and even further back. Each of them continued to make the mistakes of his own father, even though they too had experienced the brunt of those mistakes. That is my heritage. It isn't exactly something I would want to put on a sign for all the world to see.

Do I have the chance to better? Do I have the chance to be different? Do I have the chance to establish a heritage my children's children can be proud of? I believe I do. Fear threatens to overtake my passion. That voice whispering in my ear tells me it isn't so, that I cannot overcome predestination and genes. Is the desire to have a heritage right and memorial enough? To at least start on a path I can be proud of? Can I rebuild my section of the wall and move on, better and different? Something tells me deep inside that I can, it is possible, if I can keep this tight grip on my dreams and promises. If I promise myself here and now that I do want a right to my blessings, a memorial to my hard work and a heritage that I can display for the world to see.
Then I can indeed have it.

Perhaps I am overly optimistic.
But if I didn't believe these words I would be a hypocrite.
Today I told Janae that she can do anything that she sets her mind too.
Maybe this is my anything.
My all or nothing.
My first brick in the wall that is to be my future.

Liberty is a soul's right to breathe. 

That doesn't mean inhaling diesel exhaust mixed with sewer fumes, but breathing in the sweet aroma of freedom and the opportunity to rise above genes, habits and addiction. To be the best you that you can be. In fact, even better. I don't know what my best is, or what my better than best is.
I do know this, it is out there.  

And my soul is ready to breathe. 
To breathe in Liberty, Perseverance and Promise. 

1 comment:

  1. I love you :) And yes, I believe you can start it now and you can lead a life different than those that came before :) I had no idea that all these thoughts were going through your head as we were driving through the ranch. I say go for it! I think your legacy began the moment you were born. You have been touching lives since then. Your help with my siblings and my cousins can definitely be added to your legacy :) Your friendship to me has been part of your legacy :) You are doing it Emily, everyday you get up in the morning and every person you talk to is a part of it!! But yes I say go for it! So not be all ridiculous but there is a set of lyrics by Relient K that I have taken to heart its at the end of one of their songs "do what will make God happy, do what you feel is right
    only but one thing matters, learn how to live your life" So now I kind of feel like I'm rambling but I hope you are getting what I am saying :) DO it! Decide on what you want your legacy to look like and and keep at it! Love you much! oh btw love your admissions essay I ready it on your blog today :D Way to go Emily! and I love how politically vocal you are becoming! It makes me feel like I need to step it up a notch! ♥ Yes I just did that :D Love you!